Hurry Up and Wait

It has been a week since I went to see the doctor. This time he spent lots of time with me. The tests came back showing something.

He chastised me in a nice way when I said that I couldn't do the things I always want to. He said, that's the problem. He said he is so conditioned to patients who expect to be fixed from whatever ails them that he didn't realize at the last appointment how sick I was.

I look too well, I know. My family didn't even get it until the ultra sound and blood work showed something.

He told me that my T4 and T3 tests showed hyperthyroid activity and that the sed rate - a blood test that indicates inflammation - showed inflammation.

Okay. Now what?

He explained that regular hypo or hyper thyroid conditions don't usually create the neck tenderness and swelling. So he was still going with thyroiditis - which simply means swollen thyroid.

The problem is, what caused it? I didn't have any neck trauma to create swelling. Post-partum moms sometimes get this, but the last time I gave birth was 24 years ago. Instead, my options were bacterial or viral infection, or an autoimmune problem.

He explained that this could get complicated and that I should see a thyroid specialist. The usual referral was to an internal medicine guy who did some thyroid work, but wasn't really a thyroid specialist. While he went to the hallway to consult with a colleague, I called my aunt to find out the name of the specialist my younger cousin sees in the area. He has metastatic thyroid cancer - everyone says, if you are going to get a cancer, get this one or some such nonsense. My sister with Graves disease took two tries to find a good thyroid specialist, but she lives on the other coast.

He returned with an agreement from his colleague that it looked like thyroiditis. While he said he usually sees an average of 2 patients a week with hyper or hypo thyroidism, thyroiditis is less common.

He ordered more blood tests for other thyroid-related markers of some sort. He also said he would personally call the thyroid specialist that day to get the ball rolling.

I left with a script for more blood work and orders to pick up a beta blocker since my heart rate, blood pressure and headaches were still a problem.

Great, something is finally happening.

I called the specialist's office and was told that she was out for the day. The secretary took my information and said that the records needed to be sent before the doctor would make any decision. She also said that if I didn't hear back from the office, I should call next Wednesday to make an appointment.

On Wednesday, I called the office. The initial response was that they never received my paperwork. I explained that my doc said he would call. She ruffled around and said that she remembered the call, put me on hold, and several minutes later said that the specialist had the records. Could I call back tomorrow?

On Thursday, I called the office. The initial response was that they never received my paperwork. I explained that I had called yesterday and that they already had the paperwork since Friday. Oh. I was put on hold, and several minutes later said that the doctor had the records. As a new patient, my appointment would be in exactly a month from today.

Really? Yes, it takes a month for new patients to be seen.

I called my family practice and left a message. Is it okay to wait a month before being seen? My heart is still going pitter-patter when I exert myself. Do I need to adjust from the minimum dose of beta blocker or wait for it to build up?

The doctor is off today.

That's okay. This isn't an emergency. This has been going on for at least six weeks now.

I'm actually, very slowly, getting better. One friend mentioned that I might be getting better at adjusting my life around my body's needs. It's good that I have flexible work.

Mornings and early afternoon, I feel pretty normal. Okay, this morning I have a vague headache and nausea, but every day is a little different in that way. My appetite is picking up. Swallowing is much easier. By evening, the headaches are more forceful and the energy wanes, but my scalp doesn't feel sunburned anymore. The heart pitter-pat's a little harder if I push myself at night.

The good thing is that my thinking and focus are better than last month. The fevers and nasty chills followed by sweats have pretty much stopped. I figure that what is left of the sweats, I can pin on peri-menopause. I don't feel flu-y anymore.

In the middle of all of this, my partner and I finally took our first walk in over a month by the river. His ankle, still swollen and tender, has slowly been recovering for several weeks, too. We sat on logs by the edge listening to the water rush by and watching the birds ride the currents over the mountain ridge. He leaned over and said wouldn't it be nice if a bald eagle shows up. I was convinced they had packed up and nested elsewhere this year. I figured he was putting out some serious wishful thinking.

Ten minutes later, a large black bird with the characteristic white head and tail feathers of an eagle circled its way over the ridge and rode the air higher and higher until I couldn't see its markings anymore.

I wanted to cry. I didn't know why. I still don't exactly know why. Dare I wish for such amazing things in the midst of this crazy world and with my out-of-control body?

So, I wait. At any rate, I'm not holding my breath. I managed without much help from the medical world for the month I really felt rotten. I will continue to advocate for myself even as things are slowly calming down. And if I am real lucky, this thing will disappear by the time I see a specialist.