Friday, March 18, 2016

Dog fur

Back in November 2015, I wrote this piece and never posted it. Before I add more to the collie story, this part needs to be told.

What brings joy?

After 16 months of a reclaimed granite counter sitting outside in front of the garage, it finally got moved inside. (Long story, not for here.) Hooray! 

This meant that I needed to clean and rearrange the office to create a desk with it. Actually, Partner and some co-workers moved the granite onto two two-drawer file cabinets, and wha-lah! A desk. Now my job was to clean it and set it up. 

I think this would be a happier moment if I didn't feel like crud. A low-grade cold has been settling in for the past two days. I put off cleaning flower beds for the winter because of the sinus pressure.

With the desk set up, I needed to clean the floors. This required bent over, nose-dripping scrubbing. 

I began to feel weepy. Why?

Maybe I feel worse than I let myself know. Maybe it is the dog hair from Finn swirling around the edges and being caught up in items stored behind the cabinets. He'd passed over last January, but those fluffy collie fur bunnies still showed up in odd places.

I've been looking at collie porn on Facebook. That means I look longingly at those beautiful pictures of well-groomed dogs with stately smiles. But the stronger experience of looking at those pictures is the strong felt-sense of soft fur. I miss Finn's softness.

Pictures don't capture the work involved. In and out several times daily for potty breaks, regular feedings no matter what, grooming, vet visits, etc. He was a rescue dog with lots of quirks. But Finn was a companion. Always there. Nosing me in the leg for a pet or snack.

Last night, I went to sleep on the recliner. Partner had been in bed for a few hours. Reading, I fell asleep.

The dream was set on a familiar farm. The farmhouse had a wrap-around porch. I was down the lane at the barn. I saw on the hill a coyote-wolf cross. It was coming toward me. Frightened and nowhere to go, I stood. This creature turned into a collie. Then there were five beautiful collies. They seemed ready to come with me in a pick-up truck. A very pregnant collie was directly in front of me.

I awoke in a scared, racing-heart kind of way.

The collies were beautiful and comforting. It was the fear of the wild coyote-wolf coming toward me that affected me.

Who knows what is basic physiology of the the mind/body - racing heart/panic and dream imagery?

I awoke enough to go to bed and snuggle with Partner.  While dread of the wild coyote-wolf cross was with me, so, too, were the beautiful, gentle, soft collies. (Ironically, those fuzzy collies are called rough collies.)

I could never have predicted the power of having a collie in my life a few years ago. I miss Finn.

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