Facing addiction

Facebook has been an interesting way of keeping in touch with people. Lovely photos. Links to blogs or websites that I would never have known. Contacts with people who live across the country.

I gave in to Facebook in order to stay connected with my family. I wanted to see photos of my grandson and keep up with family members who lived out of state.

I've kept my settings on private. Only friends and family that I know are part of my social network.

In the midst of this forum, I am watching behaviors that validate what I've witnessed from this crowd of 20-35 year olds - and it worries me.

I've always been concerned about small children and how their parents care for them. This is particularly true when I see these parents in real life drink too much, thus impairing their attention as caregivers. And then, seeing references to how they live for drinking on their Facebook site.

It's not quite as obvious as that, but almost. I know the players and their families - who seem to have a propensity or perhaps the genetic markers for addiction. I see how alcohol drives their postings.

Comments are often like this:

Glad we did the kid thing, and now we are on to our favorite drinking place.

Or, we don't have money for much of anything, but will spend money on alcohol (and cigarettes). The kids don't need much when they are young anyway. We don't have any money for anything.

I am struck so often in these posting that the addiction is what the parents are using to cope with their lives. Yet, their postings seem relatively innocuous because it is so pervasive in our culture.

There are family members whom I can no longer look at their pages because I can't stand the craziness. To remain "friends" is too painful.

One time, I remember seeing an infant held by her drunk father and thinking to myself: she will fall in love with an alcoholic because she will link this parental care with romantic love. She won't have a clue about the connection because it has been deeply embedded into her consciousness from an early age. Of course, if things go poorly with this father, she may decide alcohol is a turn-off. But that is less likely.

I've spend decades in human services working with families across the lifespan. The problem is enormous. And, there isn't anything I can do that doesn't come across as reformist or judgemental.

So much of what happens to children in those formative years from infancy through four years of age sets the foundation for the rest of their lives. My limited ability to intervene around the fringe isn't enough.

The parents don't see the problem. It is my problem and it is breaking my heart.