The Longing for Friendship

I'm back.

The trip to find the younger me on my North Carolina trip lead me elsewhere. It took me to Friends and friends.

To be frank, I wanted to see this with my first love, my coming of age boyfriend I came to know at the Eastern Music Festival. But alas, in my old age, this is a fantasy that makes no sense. What I could do was to bring my 14 year old self along as my 48 year old self made her way to Guilford College to witness the last performances of the summer music festival for youth and to visit Friends in the area.

To explain the usual difference, capital "F" Friends are Quakers and lower case "f" friends are what everyone commonly refers to as people we know and love. In my case, they often mean the same thing. My faith requires of me to treat others as I want to be treated, to love as I want to be loved.

I think I am a lousy lover. I read Rumi on the trip and am reminded of the beauty, passion, tenderness, desire, and so much more that Love/God/Goddess/Divine Grace holds. But maybe I can be a good friend.

After reading Rumi, I realized that the only capital "F" Friend is the Source. Except all of my lower case "f" friends and Quaker friends contain that sacred seed of the Source.

Confused?

Just think that all capitalized words are archetypal energies and are connected to the Divine. Everything else has the Source within them, but is reflections of God, but is not God. All great religions struggle with the divine dance and interplay of the potentiality everything has and is of Creation.

The balancing problem I have at home is this: I love being with my friends and family and, I cherish my time alone. There is something about alone-time that keeps me close to the Source, my greatest Teacher.

Paradoxically, alone-time also frees me up to meet others. And a trip gives me time to break away from my daily life routines and experience life with a fresh view.

At Greensboro, North Carolina, my youthful self intersected with my adult self. Little did I know at the time of my Eastern Music Festival (EMF) experience at the Quaker Guilford College that would I leave behind my Lutheran denomination for Friends after as a young mother of two.

Not only did I leave music behind, but I embraced silence. For the Quakers I hung out with were "unprogrammed" - no music, no liturgy, just waiting to be moved to speak out of the great Silence - the place beyond words.

While visiting on the Guilford College campus at the Easter Music Festival (EMF), I met several music students. It was a joy to talk with them, listen to their hopes, dreams, and challenges. Other youth I got to hear through their music, bringing me to tears. Whether music or words were used, there was a deep well from which I listened.

The music students had no idea about the importance of the campus they were living at for the summer - what it means to be a Quaker, its history, etc. I met two young men in the Hut, a place where Quaker student leaders meet, where students worship, and where a small Quaker library provides materials.

It was simply a quiet, out-of-the-way place to hang out. Maybe some sort of seed is being planted that I can't see, just as I had no idea until much later how this important this campus would be in my life.

While visiting Jamestown Friends Meeting, I got to experience a semi-programmed meeting - where there is a barebones program with some singing. I wish my meeting had some sort of music in its meetinghouse. Once I sang during an invitation for "after thoughts", but I haven't heard anyone sing during worship.

I talked with many people. I found such warmth and interest in sharing their stories and interests. But, they weren't very interested in the EMF kids. There was a disconnect. But the younger adults who found their way from Guilford College as traditional students to Jamestown were engaged in the world, bringing a vibrancy and relevance to the meeting that might otherwise be missing.

In the midst of these two experiences, I visited with my Quaker friends living in the area. How sweet. The time too short together. A relief in seeing how well they are doing. A longing to see each other again.

I think my younger self is so wrapped up in so many layers of my older self that I don't know if I will ever find her again. I kept wishing that her old friends from the Festival were with her as she visited. But maybe the spirits of those friends were there. Maybe the reflection of the Friend through others is more than enough.